Humor Me
by HumorMe227
Summary: Recipe: Calls for two friends, a table spoon of a girl, and a dash of the super natural. Rated M, full summary inside. Normal pairings in the end, but that doesn't mean there isn't a twist.
1. Summary

**Hello!**

**And welcome to the story HumorMe. **

**Summary**

**This story is about love, trust, betrayal, and friendship. Most stories have Edward and Jacob as enemies right off the bat, but in my story they are best friends….but not for long. **

**~Edward Cullen and Jacob Black have been best friends since the fifth grade up into high school. When Edward has to go to high school alone without his trusty sidekick he becomes a loner, always brooding. At the moment the only happiness he finds in fishing with his best friend on Saturdays. Ever since Jake was forced to go to the Rez high school and start the chief and training classes, they both find that Saturdays are the only time they have. But what happens when a certain Bella Swan walks into the picture. Ladies and Gentlemen all I can tell you is that Edward becomes pretty smitten with her causing a fight to break out when those Saturdays are mysteriously filled with other plans. Oh and Jake might have feelings for Bella just thought I'd let you know. **

**Now I know that the first part sounds so 'been there read that' but for all of you fanfiction readers I am throwing a little twist into the story! Edward and his family have to leave for a year. What happens if they all get turned into vampires? I'll let you chew that over. **

**Love, trust, betrayal, friendship, humor, and vampires and a few other things. **

**Care to read and review, Edward is just dying to tell his story and see what you guys think. **

**FIRST CHAPTER WILL BE UP TODAY! **


	2. Fucking Migraines

"_It was a perfect day outside. _

_The sun was shining its warm rays against my skin making my grip relax on the fishing pole, pure relaxation. _

_Jake and I had skipped school today to go fishing, fifth grade was so overrated._

"_Say Eddy do you think we will get caught?" Jake broke the silence with his question._

_I chewed that question over for a second tugging at my pole to entice a fish to bite, nothing. _

"_Well most likely yes, but we can make up some lie. Like we were helping an old lady paint her house or some shit." Yes I know I have a dirty mouth for a kid. _

"_Edward Cullen you are smart."_

_And we have been best friends ever since."_

**EPOV~**

It was a normal run of the mill day at Forks high school, the first day of school may I add.

The halls were filled with annoying freshmen running around like scared little mice trying to find their hole in the wall.

I knew all too well that give or take a month the scared little mice will act like tom cats strutting around like they ruled this shit hole.

As I walked down the hall way to room 511 I was struck in the chest by a nerdy looking freshmen. The impact sent the little bugger right on his ass, before I could help him up he scrambled on all fours till he was on two feet and then booked it.

_I punch on little freshmen and they are all afraid of you now. _

Don't judge me the punching of said freshie had merit behind it, last year a jock wanna be was making a move on a young girl. She clearly said no but he kept at it.

So I waltzed right up to him and clocked him a good one, now every freshmen thinks I have it out for them.

_Oh how rumors start. _

This day was not going to end well.

1. My best friend Jacob Black had to go to high school on the reservation now.

2. I didn't get to have my coffee this morning

. And 3. Well I'm sure I will come up with a three by the end of the day.

As I sat down in the back I noticed that Mike fucking Newton was in my class…perfect.

_Well there is your number three ladies and gentlemen. _

I pinched the bridge of my nose while closing my eyes and inhaling deeply.

Edward Cullen this is your last year in this hell hole hang in there.

The class went by quickly and I was left with a major migraine from not eating breakfast.

I snuck out to my car. Scratch that I walked straight past the office and out the front doors, our current fattie secretary was asleep at her desk….drool and all.

Once in my car I turned the key slightly so the power would come on, but not the engine itself. Heated seats on, classical music on low, seat reclined, alarm set for lunch, and eyes closed. Check, check, check, check, and check.

The loud beep beep BEEP of my alarm on my phone rattled me to the present. I had slept off my migraine but I knew that I needed to eat some lunch to make it stay at bay for the rest of the day.

_My migraines are sneaky little bastards. Oh Eddy I have left you in your sleep, now go along with you day. BAM, hello! Surprise honey I'm home! About ten minutes later they have me wishing I never woke up to begin with. _

Note to self never ramble like a crazy person again.

Before you guys share my lunch experience, let me clear up why I sit alone.

The Cullens are very well known in this school.

My brother Emmett is the champion quarter back. He took forks to victory ever since he was a freshman up to his senior year.

Jasper was a genius with computers, and the ladies. Well the student body didn't care about the computer part just the whole ladies' man thing. Ladies wanted him and men wanted to be him.

Both my brothers have graduated now and are living with their high school sweethearts.

Emmett found Rosalie Hale.

And Jasper found Alice Brandon.

So now my family is sort of kind of hoping I will find a girl to take home and someday marry. Can you say Forks only has sluts now!

Back to the matter at hand, I sit alone at lunch because the whole student body annoys the living shit out of me.

_Just thought I'd share that. _

I stood in line starring at my shoes; I rarely looked around during lunch. I got my food and I was on my way to the one table that nobody ever sat at.

Settling down in my seat I placed a napkin on my lap and began to eat my mashed potatoes.

As I was eating I couldn't help over hearing Newtons jock head table.

"Hey Tyler did you hear about that new fucktastic girl we just got in?"

New girl?

"Yeah Mike, her name is Bella Swan and she is one good looking chick. I wouldn't mind having her get a little slob on my nob."

A round of high fives and manly grunts were given out.

Pigs like them made me ashamed to be a guy sometimes.

_We all aren't like that you know._

I decided to skip out on Biology seeing as my fucking migraine was coming back to pound my head some more.

Nobody would miss me….

Walking to my car left me wanting to throw up my lunch because with each step came a pound to my head.

My vision was getting blurry, thank goodness I lived close.

And that's when things got worse.

And when I say worse I mean the most embarrassing moment of your life worse.

All of a sudden out of nowhere a sudden dizzy spell came over me causing me to fall over and hit my head on the side walk.

The pain was fan fucking tastic, NOT!

I was fading in and out of consciousness when I saw a tiny brown haired girl run my way waving her arms in front of her like she didn't know what to do.

"Oh my God! Are you alright!" She screeched.

MY HEAD! I wanted to scream but the words wouldn't form on my lips. Gasping in pain I used the last bit of consciousness to point to my head and then my phone.

The last thing I saw was a beautiful angles face.

God mustn't hate me after all.

_Goodnight ladies and gentlemen Edward fucking Cullen has left the building. _

**Blackness…**

_Edward: Short, short, short! Why didn't you let me keep going?_

_Me: Well Edward seeing as you are out for two whole days with a pretty severe concussion makes me unable to write your story._

_Edward: Oh…sorry. Well whoever is reading my story better leave me some feedback, I promise things will get a lot more interesting from here on out. _

_Well there you have it guys, the first chapter of Humor Me, tell me what you think! _


End file.
